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Funny Stuff - January 2008

What are you doin?

January 28th 2008 23:33


I was feeling a little nosey, so I thought I would look in on you and see if you are sitting at your computer and yes, there you are..
You're spending too much f----ing time on that machine!!!!!






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War Planes

January 28th 2008 20:01



It was war time a long time ago, the Battle of Britain is raging and the War Office decide that the pilots morale needs to be kept high so they come up with a plan for the pilots to take a break now and then to spend some time with the fine young ladies of the aristocracy at evening get-togethers.

Of course, no unseemly business must be allowed, so chaperoned by some of the military bigwigs, the young gels are assured only the most civilised behaviour.


At one such do, young Paddy is delighting a group of sparkling debutantes, who are quite taken by his strong good looks, and lilting Irish brogue. As his Wing Commander is passing the little group, he catches Paddy describing his daring escape from attack in the sky, saying "And just as Oi was sweating that Oi'd never have enough fuel to get back, these three Fokkers come swooping down on me!"

Fearful the young ladies would misinterpret the aircraft for Paddy's legendary sprinkling of the language with expletives, he stepped in to make an explanation to protect their sensibilities.

"If I may, Paddy, ladies. A Fokker is one of the finest aircraft operated by the Luftwaffe, and as Paddy is saying, they do tend to give us in the RAF a lot of trouble in this conflict. Thank you Paddy, you may go on."

"Oh yes indeed Sor," says Paddy, "The Fokker truly is a great machine and all. But these particular fokkers were Messerschmidts."

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Red Headed Babies

January 27th 2008 23:56


After their baby was born, the panicked father went to see the Obstetrician. 'Doctor,' the man said, 'I don't mind telling you, but I'm a little upset because my daughter has red hair.

She can't possibly be mine.' 'Nonsense,' the doctor said. 'Even though you and your wife both have black hair, one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair to the gene pool.'

'It isn't possible,' the man insisted. 'This can't be, our families on both sides had jet-black hair for generations.'

'Well,' said the doctor, 'let me ask you this. How often do you have sex?' The man seemed a bit ashamed. 'I've been working very hard for the past year. We only made love once or twice every few months.'

'Well, there you have it!' the doctor said. 'It's rust.'
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Wimbledon

January 27th 2008 22:19

Little Billy asks his dad for a telly in his room. Dad reluctantly agrees.
Next day Billy comes downstairs and asks, 'Dad, what's love juice


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Politcal Correctness

January 26th 2008 21:20

The following is the 2007 winning entry from an annual contest at Texas A&M University calling for the most appropriate definition of "Politically Correct" during a term.

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One Word or Two

January 26th 2008 21:03
An elderly couple had been dating for some time and they finally decide it's time for marriage. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.

Finally the man decides it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship. "How do you feel about sex?" he asked hopefully


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Disney's Desperate Housewives

January 26th 2008 21:01
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Her Humour Lives On

January 25th 2008 04:17
I got this from a lady online. A friend of hers died who had a great sense of humor and always used to say that when she died she wanted a parking meter on her grave that says 'Expired'. So her nephew got her one on eBay! She said that her grave is right by the road so everyone can see it and many people have stopped to get a chuckle.


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Good and Evil

January 25th 2008 04:03
Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about
who was better on the computer. They had been going at
it for days, and frankly God was tired of hearing all


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Good Friends

January 24th 2008 20:57
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When you're feeling sad......

January 24th 2008 20:34

........and everything seems to be going wrong, always remember, there IS light at the end of the tunnel

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Rough Weekend

January 24th 2008 20:19
A man went to the doctor to get a double dose of Viagra but his request was denied.

"Why can't I have a double dose?" the man asked


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Indian Yoga versus Russian Yoga

January 23rd 2008 22:31
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Alzheimer's Research

January 23rd 2008 22:19

There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research.

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Political Puppies

January 23rd 2008 20:32
Hillary is out jogging one morning and she encounters a man selling some puppies. She asks the man what kind of puppies they are, and the man responds, "They're Democrat puppies mam".

She thinks that is so great that the next day she brings Bill along to see these puppies for himself. She asks the man to tell Bill what kind of puppies they are, and the man responds, "They're Republican puppies


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"I'm hungry." = I'm hungry.

"I'm sleepy." = I'm sleepy


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The Dwarf and the Horse

January 22nd 2008 20:10
A guy owns a horse farm. One day a friend phones him up , "I've sent a dwarf with a speech impediment to see you. He wants to buy a horse". Sure enough the dwarf turns up.

Dwarf asks "I want to buy a horth


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A Woman's Brain

January 21st 2008 20:13


Every one of these little blue balls is a thought about something that needs to be done, a decision or a problem that needs to be solved


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Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

January 20th 2008 20:55
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An Aussie Poem

January 19th 2008 03:18
The sun was hot already - it was only 8 o'clock
The cocky took off in his Ute, to go and check his stock.
He drove around the paddocks checking wethers, ewes and lambs


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Scottish Bar Stool (for the kilt)

January 18th 2008 23:19
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Cinderella by Roald Dahl

January 17th 2008 21:04


I guess you think you know this story


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Cartoon by Warren, Daily Telegraph

January 17th 2008 20:16
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Budget Airlines

January 17th 2008 20:13


Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate


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Cinderella Revisted

January 16th 2008 21:27
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Enemas

January 16th 2008 21:05
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Mother Superior

January 16th 2008 20:44
Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, 'I must tell you all something.

We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent


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Getting Married

January 16th 2008 04:40


Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, suffering


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Cauliflower Sheep

January 15th 2008 22:57
From the clever people at Worth1000.com

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Sooty the Guinea Pig

January 15th 2008 22:35
from the Daily Mail, UK


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Will Somebody Please Kiss Me?

January 15th 2008 20:26
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The Aliens Have Landed

January 15th 2008 20:19
by Kenn Nesbitt

The aliens have landed


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Sir Edmund Hilliary

January 14th 2008 22:42
Bleak's Daily Cartoon from The Australian

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Talk To The Animals

January 14th 2008 20:52
by Edward Bison, Freelance Journalist

By the time you read this it will probably be Monday morning. You may well be at work, pondering the futility of your existence. Or, in the case of anyone living in Dallas, the futility of your football team's existence. Nevertheless I am here to tell you that it could be worse. Today's offering in the category of "Jobs No-one Needs" is Pet Medium


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Karma Sutra

January 14th 2008 19:58
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Work Dogs

January 14th 2008 19:50

Four Aussies were bragging about how smart their dogs were. The first man was an engineer, the second man was an accountant, the third man was a chemist, and the fourth was a public servant.

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The Perfect Employee

January 14th 2008 06:21


1 Mike Martin, my assistant programmer, can always be found


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Video Games for Seniors

January 13th 2008 20:42
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